All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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