I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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