I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
