Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
