I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
