that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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