Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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