dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
