Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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