we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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