drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
