"it" just moved
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
