Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
