i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i out mim tonsoeep
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
