All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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