I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
