i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
