Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
