I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
