Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
