he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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