He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
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I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
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What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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