The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
