He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
