My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
