There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
