That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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