I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
