dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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