so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
