ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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