so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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