Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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