we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
