be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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