So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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