Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He shit in the fireplace
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
