So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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