guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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