I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
