my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
