What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
