I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
