Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
