GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
