I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
