I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
