No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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