Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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