Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
