Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
