Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
