Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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