he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize