Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
