Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
