would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
