Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
