yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
