Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
