Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
