my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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