before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize