does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
