Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
