But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
