from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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