my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
