Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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