College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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