butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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