the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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