Soap is not a condiment
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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