Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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