She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
