If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
