That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
