hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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