We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
