New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
