I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
