No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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