worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
