I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
