Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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