You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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