she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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