i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
