Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize