Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
